Robert's roommate the bread baker

Every once in a while you go through such a strange experience that looking back on it you have a hard time believing that it really happened. Robert and I had such an experience our senior year of college and I promise you, everything I write actually happened.

Robert and I both attended Seattle Pacific University from 2003-2007. Our senior year Robert was living off campus in an old large red house lovingly referred to as "the barn house". He had four roommates, Lukas, Garrett, Kyle and Mike, each with their own rooms. They all got along very well and overall was a drama-free environment. Garrett had signed up to go to a YWAM school in Australia for spring quarter so they were going to look for a new roommate after spring break. There were lots of friends that came and went from the house freely so it wasn't uncommon to see someone you didn't know in the house. Over spring break Robert and I came home and found a guy, Seth, sitting on the couch watching TV. That wasn't too strange except that he was the only one home. We got his name and figured he was a friend of one of the other guys so we didn't say anything else to him. The other roommates got home and he started hanging out and talking with him so it was assumed he had been over for them. It started getting late but instead of Seth leaving he went upstairs to stay in Lukas' room, who was currently in the Galapagos Islands for spring break. None of us said anything, again assuming that Lukas must have told him to stay there. He stayed overnight and kept hanging around the house for the rest of the week. 

The day that Lukas got home we were standing around in the kitchen talking when we discovered that NONE of the roommates had invited Seth over. Lukas and Mike both knew him as an acquainted from church but had never invited him to come over, much less to stay for the week. No one really knew what to do so they decided to just let him keep staying till they figured out why he was there. The next day they found out that Lukas' mom had told Seth's mom that there was an open room at the house and so Seth could probably move in. Seth just failed to mention any of this. Since he was already there and they needed a roommate they decided that he could officially move in. 

After Seth had lived there for about a month he received a very LARGE box in the mail. I was at the house when it got dropped off so I helped pull it into the house and it was heavy! Seth got home a little while later and I told him about the box. He kinda looked a little worried and said "oh, right." He took the box up to his room (which is directly above the living room) and started moving things around. When he came down again I asked him what was in the box. He just looked at me and said "What box?" I responded, "The box you just took upstairs". "Oh, that box. It's a secret" That was strange and I probably would have dropped it if it had just stopped there.

Shortly after that conversation Seth came downstairs and asked Robert (I quote), "Would you mind if there is a sound like a vacuum cleaner, that's not a vacuum cleaner coming from my room?" Robert and I just looked at each other and Robert responded, "No, but what's making the sound?" Seth looked worried again and said, "I can't tell you, it's a secret." We pressed him a bit more but he refused to tell us what the source of the noise was. After making sure we wouldn't care about the sound he went to the basement and then returned carrying a styrofoam ice chest and a wooden spoon. Our curiosity spiked but Seth still refused to let on to what he was doing. 

After returning upstairs a series of strange sounds started to fill the house. First was a vacuum cleaner like noise followed by a loud banging noise and then a brief period of silence before starting over again. This continued for about a half an hour when Kyle got home. Kyle did not care much for Seth and is a very blunt person so if anyone could figure out what was going on, we knew it would be him. We filled Kyle in on what had been happening so far and Kyle took up the task of solving this strange mystery. He ran upstairs and started knocking on Seth's door demanding to know what was going on. Seth just kept yelling "Go away Kyle! It's a secret!" All of the bedrooms upstairs had spaces above the doors where windows should have been but were instead just open holes. Kyle proceeded to climb onto the banister next to Seth's room and poke his head through the open hole to see what was going on. What he saw was Seth sitting in the middle of his room with a large bag of grain to his side and home mill in front of him with the ice chest now half full of flour off to the other side. Kyle upon witnessing this said, "Seth, what the heck are you doing?!" Seth got angry and started yelling at Kyle to get out of his room. Kyle climbed down and ran back downstairs to tell us what he had seen.

Before Kyle could finish his description Seth came running down stairs, covered from head to toe in flour, screaming at Kyle for invading his privacy. Kyle responded with "You are invading my privacy with your noise!" Somehow this seemed a valid argument to Seth and he apologized. When asked why he was making flour he refuted it! We pointed out that he was covered in flour, which he had no answer for but still refused to admit what he was doing. He then retreated to the basement again for some unknown reason. While in the basement Kyle ran upstairs and retrieved a handful of grain and flour so we could see what the "big secret" was about.  It appeared to us to be a normal mixed grain and flour. After doing some research (checking the label on the box it all came in) we discovered that it was exactly was it looked. Seth had a personal mill and mixed grains that he was using to make flour. As if that wasn't strange enough it got even weirder...

About a week after the "flour" incident I came over and discovered bread baking in the kitchen. The only two people home were Robert and Seth. I knew Robert wasn't baking bread so it must be Seth's. When Seth came downstairs I asked him about his bread. "What bread?" He responded. "The bread you are baking in the oven." "I'm not baking any bread in the oven." He said. "Well the bread you "aren't baking" is starting to smell burnt" I told him. He informed me that it couldn't be because he set a timer. He continued to bake bread daily for a few weeks, all the while refusing to admit that he was the one baking the bread. He also refused to share any with us. 

Sadly, I never found out why his bread was such a big secret or what possessed him to make his own flour. Seth lived there until their lease was up with many more odd events occurring (including a 5am ritual of break dancing and singing praise songs). I have no idea where he is now or what became of his bread but I love to share the story. I hope you enjoyed it too!

How to love life despite lameness

This is dedicated to a dear friend of mine who is struggling right now.

Most of my life growing up I was a very outgoing, carefree, happy person. I was about as extroverted as you could get and had a very easy going disposition. My junior year of high school things changed. I'm not totally sure why everything changed that year but through a series of events I became majorly depressed and began a very destructive cycle of physically and emotionally hurting myself. I developed an acute anxiety disorder which continued to rule my life for many years afterwards. After a couple years of counseling and anxiety medication I was able to get things under control but the uncontrollable anxiety was always right under the surface. 

Probably the most frustrating thing people would tell me when I would be suffering an anxiety attack was "Just trust in Jesus". Problem was if I asked for an example of how exactly to accomplish that I would usually get a lame answer like, "Just know that God has everything under control and Jesus loves you." As reassuring as that may sound it did not help me when I was in the middle of an anxiety attack. Now don't misunderstand me. I do love God and I know that He has everything under control and that trusting Jesus really is the best thing I could do. The problem was, how. And no one could give me a good answer. This constant battle raged under the surface for years and while I was getting better at eventually calming myself down the anxiety itself was ever present. That is until a couple of years ago.

For those of you who do not know, Robert and I converted to Orthodox Christianity back in November of 2009. When I came to the Orthodox church I was overwhelmed by all the beautiful stories of those Christians who had run the race before us and finished in triumph. Those saint's stories were an amazing source of encouragement that I had never had before. One saint in particular really touched my heart, St. Nectarios of Pentapolis and Aegina. Here is a very brief summary of his life. 

St. Nectarios was born Oct. 1st, 1846 to very poor parents in Greece. He moved Constantinople when he was 14 for school and after graduating moved to Alexandria, Egypt where he eventually became a bishop. He was very pious and loving man. All of people he was bishop over loved him dearly and he quickly became a favorite among the public and the Patriarch (Arch Bishop). Sadly, he was removed from his post by clerics who were jealous of his popularity with the people. Lies were made up against him by the jealous clergy. Patriarch Sophronios refused to listen to St. Nectarios. He was sent away from Egypt without trial or explanation, and was never given an opportunity to defend himself.

After his dismissal, he returned to Greece in 1891, and spent several years as a preacher. He was then appointed director of the Rizarios Ecclesiastical School for the education of priests in Athens, where his service was exemplary for fifteen years. He developed many courses of study, and wrote numerous books, all while preaching widely throughout Athens. 

In 1904 at the request of several nuns, he established a monastery for them on the island of Aegina.

In December 1908, at the age of 62, St. Nectarios resigned from his post as school director and withdrew to the Holy Trinity Convent on Aegina, where he lived out the rest of his life as a Monk. He wrote, published, preached, and heard confessions from those who came from near and far to seek out his spiritual guidance.

While at the monastery, he also tended the gardens, carried stones, and helped with the construction of the monastery buildings that were built with his own funds.

St. Nectarios died on the evening of 9 November 1920 at the age of 74, following hospitalization for prostate cancer. (Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nectarios_of_Aegina)

Through out his entire life he was constantly coming up against extreme persecution and unfair treatment often at the hands of fellow Christians, but he never despaired. His response to it all was quiet acceptance of the situation, giving thanks and then lifting up any concerns in prayer to God. He did not try to defend himself most of the time and he always offered what he had of his time, talents and possessions to others, even when that meant he would be going without. He was not afraid of suffering difficulty because his deepest concern was how he suffered, not if he suffered. He knew that he would be hurt by the people he loved and cared for but he refused to harden his heart to them. He would accept the pain, thank God for it and then offer it up in prayer asking for forgiveness for those who had hurt him. His view on life was so different from mine. 

I am not a saint and I doubt I will ever become one. I do not accept all of the difficulties in my life and give thanks for them but it is when I do that that my burden is lifted. The thing I came to realize is that to "just trust God" requires action on my part. It is not a passive attitude that you can attain easily. It requires that you take in the full situation, THANK God for every part of it and then ask Him for the grace needed to overcome it. That is hard but without it you will be overwhelmed. This is why St. Paul said "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." (1 Thes. 5:16-18) 

I thank God every day for the gift that I have in the faith He has brought me to. I can gladly say that I no longer have an anxiety problem. Through out the past few years I have learned to quietly accept what I am given and thank God for it. I pray that I can continue on that path evermore and learn to be content in every situation, lacking nothing. 

Give thanks!

A mother's prayer rule

Last night I attended a parenting class at my church that was specifically for moms. It was led by our two priests' wives on how to be good wives and mothers. There were a lot of wonderful things discussed and I could probably write multiple blog entries on the few topics that we were able to touch on but there was one that really made me think. One of the moms expressed her struggle with pursuing her own faith when she is so overwhelmed with all of the tasks demanded of her on a daily basis. She said something very poignant, "It is hard to have faith that having faith will do any good". I could not agree more. When you feel like the house will never be cleaned, the dishes never done and there is laundry up to your earlobes, how can you be certain that praying will accomplish anything? I think all moms struggle with this question at one time or another. I know I certainly have and do! After this mom had expressed her concern many ideas were shared on how to persevere despite the constant distractions and pressures but one in particular struck me. One of our moms shared a conversation she had with the abbess of a monastery about this very thing. After lamenting to the abbess her inability to ever say her prayers or do prostrations the abbess told her that a mother's prayer rule is sitting up with your child when they can't go to sleep and that her prostrations are picking up your baby when it needs to be held. We are still praying and disciplining ourselves, it just looks a little different. I found this thought not only encouraging but beautiful! What a blessing we have as mothers to be surrounded daily by opportunities to show our families love! This transformed understanding of the spiritual life of a mom not only removes the guilt of never having enough time to "really pray" but gives new purpose to those moments when the kids are melting down and everything is a mess. It is those times that we can take a deep breath and say a short prayer thanking God for the opportunity to love our family.

I have by no means attained this mentality and I daily reach a point where I am much more likely to run screaming from the house than thank God for crying children but I am trying to change my mindset. I have started this process by realizing that my spiritual struggle at this phase in life does not involve hours of quiet uninterrupted prayer and spiritual reading. My spiritual goals are different. My focus is on raising christian children and creating a home where God is present. This has not been easy and I am by no means good at it but it has helped transform the way I view my time. Children are sponges and notice more than we realize. If I am making a daily effort to make God present in our home, even in a small way, the kids will notice. Even if all that means is putting on a paraklesis (prayer service) CD while folding laundry and saying the short evening prayers with the kids it makes a difference. If my children see me trying to remember God throughout my day (in the small ways that I can) it will teach them to remember God in theirs. I may not be able to prayerfully focus on a whole Sunday service but I can make sure that my children experience the liturgy and participate in the Body of Christ. I may not be able to make it through all of small compline but I can show my children how to cross themselves and show reverence to holy things. My spiritual struggle now is to train my children in the ways of righteousness. I can only pray for wisdom and grace to do it. 

I look forward to the day when I can again set aside an hour to pray and dig deep into a spiritual book but for now I am content making God a reality in my home in all the ways that are possible. 

My "second" post

It is almost 6am and I sitting on my couch wide awake wishing I were still asleep. Why am I awake? Well it is a short story. You see, Ksenia (my 6 month old daughter) woke me up at 5am to nurse. Groggily I picked her up and laid her in bed with me, thanking the Lord that I could continue "sleeping" while she ate. After about a half an hour she was falling back asleep so I laid her back into the bassinet and myself back to bed. That's when it happened. Although I was exhausted only moments before and basically asleep while nursing the moment I laid back down I was wide awake. I don't know about you but it is during those wee morning hours when I wish I were still asleep that all the motivation to do things I wish I had during the day hits me. All of the sudden I have the strongest desire to shampoo my carpets, go running, organize all those papers in the guest room that need filing and start a blog. After much consideration and many futile attempts to fall back sleep writing a blog won out. 
I have never written a blog before. Well, that's not true. I have at least a half dozen blogs scattered across the internet with only partially finished first entries. So I will amend my statement: I have never successfully blogged on a semi consistent basis. I blame my lack of success of two things: firstly, my laziness. secondly, the difficulty of writing a "first post". I hate introductions. My whole life I have struggled with them. In school I loved to write  papers and could easily write 15-20 pages on almost any topic. The problem I had was starting them. In fact, most of the time I wrote the introduction last because if I tried to write it first I would spend more time on one paragraph than I would the whole rest of the paper. I always felt like an introduction needed to be the inticing summary of whatever it was I would be writing about. The problem was, how could I summarize something I hadn't yet written? This problem is magnified in a blog. I have no idea what my blog entries will entail so how can I correctly portray what this blog will be about before I even know? So I am asking for your patience. Please consider this entry to be my second post, not the first. I have no idea what this blog will be about or how often I will be writing in it. I suspect it will take me year of blogging before I will feel confident to write my "first post". 
So why now? I have been an avid journaler most of my life but my journaling has fallen by the way side the past couple years due mainly to children. I still consider writing down my thoughts and life events as important but have decided that in light of my current station in life, blogging will have to be my outlet for a time. 
For those of you who have made it through this far, congratulations! I hope I haven't bored you to tears. I will try to write as often as possible and maybe even make sense sometimes. Enjoy what you can and leave the rest!